What I Found

2018 will forever be the year of what I had and what I lost. As I step into a new year I look back on the hardest, darkest year of my life. A year that will continue to shape me. It is hard to let go. To walk into a year that did not greet my brother.

As I think of all of the pain and shadows, I also remember the family and friend-family that held... hold a light for me. Days I felt forgotten by people. Days I told myself I deserve to feel this isolated. Days I felt alone. Then realizing I was wrong. There were those who were always in my corner. When God was silent, they revealed His love to me. They showed up. And continue to. In that I have found my gratitude.

I learned some days it takes all of your strength just to breathe. That's ok. Just breathe. Regret will haunt you but try to forgive yourself. That's ok. To let people love you. To let people pick you up. Mend your spirit. Even just for a moment. To no longer be who you were. To not apologize for where you are. To accept it and surrender to it. And to be okay with who does and does not show up there. To sit in question next to those who are also trying to make sense of the senseless. To be together in our brokenness and our shared memories. To be held. In the quiet darkness... to know you are not alone. I found love where it wasn’t suppose to be. In the depths.. it was right in front of me. Onward.

Love and Light,

LauraJane

In Video:

Snow Day January2018, Moments in Hospital, Benefit show for Jon and I's adoption at Bluebird Cafe, Spreading Justin's ashes and visiting the creek, the beach, Rise Festival, NYC and more... most importantly its time with my beautiful family.