2019.

Goodness, guys…. I have missed this space. The past 6 months has brought BIG changes. Jon and I became parents AND we moved to a new town! We are finally getting into a routine… and getting some much needed sleep around here. While staying safely at home during this time of quarantining, I finally put together the 2019 recap video.

This past year, joy and heartache became friends. I began to accept that I will never be who I was before my brother left this Earth…. and that is okay. It does not mean I am less than who I once was. Though I will always miss pieces of that girl, I know in some ways she is being “broken into better shape.” I surrendered to the vastness of the dark and the deep ache in my soul. I found every spark and glimmer of light I could. In those moments, I would rest and find gratitude once again. Those glimpses of light seemed brighter against the night… and I realized joy and grief could share space in my heart. They both have a seat at the table and they both have a voice. I traveled to some beautiful places, played in the creek we spread my brother’s ashes in (which runs into the lake in front of our new house) and began the adoption process again. My heart swelled with gratitude and with pain. I found God in the spaces of both. I played my brother’s music in incredible places! I stood in awe of cliffs, art and windmills… but mostly I stood in awe of our daughter. Our beautiful sunrise baby, Alba. She is pure light. Our new day.

Song in Video: “Broken Into Better Shape” by Good Old War

Love + Light, Laurie